it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
this is an emotional support booty call
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
