So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
