someone threw a dead crab at me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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