Just mADE A PArabola og urine
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
