apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
