headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want to fling myself into the sun
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
