We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
