THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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