I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How does one acquire holy water?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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