I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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