shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize