I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Boobs are out for the taking
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
