This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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