dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
