Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
