I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
