Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
