Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My room smells like vodka and shame
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
