if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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