You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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