Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
