I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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