I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
