Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize