dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
