He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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