I wish I only lived at night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
