Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
