I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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