Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
