I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
