Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
