We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
soo... how was my night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
