Just fell off a train. Bad.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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