did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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