So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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