And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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