Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
