her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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