85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
