just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
