can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
