I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
