You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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