1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize