I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
false alarm, still single
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
