All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
