its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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