Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
