I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
