i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
