Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
