Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
