soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
