I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Oh god it's open bar.
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