You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
