I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
