I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
