hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
