I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
