dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
