my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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