did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
