your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
