this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
