I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
