So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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