haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
