I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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