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There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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