I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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